Individual and Relationship Therapy
Counseling for those who are ready to address attachment concerns in adulthood
You’re an adult who has issues with your parents that make it so you aren’t sure if a relationship is healthy for you to engage in. Perhaps there’s trauma, codependency concerns, poor boundaries, or even lack of interest from your parent that makes it painful to be around them. They might have been trying to live vicariously through you or held you to impossible standards that impacts your sense of self, esteem, worth, and efficacy. It feels unmanageable to set boundaries and honestly, you aren’t sure if they’d be respected anyway. You know you need something different, but you feel guilty and confused about what you want and need.
[Maybe you are a parent who has recently heard feedback like this from your adult child and feel hurt, misunderstood, or confused and would like help navigating what went wrong. If you fit this description, I’m glad you’re here, too!]
It's such a hard place to be. You try to just be everything – maybe even to the point of being a perfectionist, just so you can live up to whatever those imagined expectations might be.
But deep down you know that perfectionism isn’t sustainable.
You feel the effects of giving 120% everyday and it could even be manifesting as physical or somatic pain or intruding on other relationships.
You might feel like you just can’t seem to grow up or feel like a real adult.
You can’t keep this up and the idea of even doing more healing work feels like too much.
You could learn how to identify your wants and needs and be able to take decisive action on them
You could feel confident setting boundaries and communicate effectively
You felt a strong self of self-worth and clarity with your identity (separate of your parents)
You could repair your relationships and move forward (if you decide that’s what you want)
You could feel good with only giving your best and letting it be enough
You can heal intergenerational patterns in relationships
What I Offer
As a recovering perfectionist and codependent, I understand your pain. It’s hard to break and it takes time. It does feel insurmountable at times, too. I’ve helped adult children and parents alike overcome their barriers in relationships and be able to heal. It most often is intergenerational, so understanding the why and how the patterns have moved through your ancestry is so essential to the work. We will explore how things got to be the way they are and dig deep to find out how to help you move forward.
The Process is organic, but often includes these components
For adult children:
Develop our relationship and explore facts about your life
Dive deeper into the intergenerational and conditioned components of your struggles
Explore your attachment styles and develop insight around responses
Learn repairenting (not a typo!) and self-regulation skills
Explore identity development and increase confidence, self-esteem, and intrinsic worth
Develop skill building with setting and maintaining personal boundaries
Explore parenting styles and potential impacts
Explore intergenerational components
Learn communication and attachment repair strategies
Navigate ambiguous loss and grief feelings from estrangement or no contact boundaries
Explore the self and develop insight
You Might be Thinking...
I’m not sure if I am ready to set boundaries
That’s ok! We will go at your own pace. If you think that’s something you want in the future, starting now can help you build the confidence to be able to make the decision about boundaries not out of fear, but from a place of authenticity. Boundaries look different for everyone, and we will explore options that feel right for you.
I’ve tried to do this so many times, why would this be different?
A lot of these issues stem from conditioned responses – you learned early on that you had to be a certain way to preserve your safety in some way, so now trying to change that on your own is really hard. Having someone who can help map things out, guide you through the process, and keep you accountable to your goals will help provide the support and structure needed for effective behavior changes. It’s also really difficult to work through things from the first-person perspective; having a sounding board and some new language to describe your experiences, plus help with insight development can be a real game-changer! What do you have to lose?
Can my parent and I do this therapy together?
Yes; however, it is on a case-by-case basis. This is a question that requires more information for me to answer effectively, so set up a consult and let’s see if it is an appropriate fit. Generally, both parties have to be very committed to doing the work and should have some experience with the individual side of things at some point.
What if I do this and my child still doesn’t want a relationship?
That could happen. If it does, I will support you in navigating loss and grief feelings and how to move forward in a way that is authentic and healing for you. If this means that there is more individual work to do then we can do that. I may direct you to some types of support groups for additional growth and learning as well. Even if your child decides they do not want to reconnect, you still have a lot to gain with self-discovery from this process.
Are you ready to move forward and walk the path you were meant to walk, separate from your parents?
Are you ready to support your child in walking their authentic path while learning to walk your own?
Book a complimentary consultation online now and see if I am the right person to help you get there!
All bookings are completed online to ensure you can get a consultation and appointment as soon as possible. If you have questions, please reach out to us and we will be happy to help!